Joe + Angie's backyard wedding >>>>>>>>>> here.



I went to Oregon last weekend. Pictures over here



d + s.

my bestie + her man + an awesome location. right over here.


on running. {and rainbows}

True confession time : I am not a runner.

{Last year a trainer friend made me rolf on treadmill and proceeded to never question my inability to run again.} 

I'm not sure why but yoga has just been my preferred "sport" of choice for the last decade and the only workout I've done with any real consistency. It's where I'm my best, most composed self; the one I wish I was more often off my mat. The one who I am so far from when I'm attempting to run. 

So here I am, not a runner. A non-runner who has {for heaven only knows what reason} potentially agreed to run a ten mile race on Thanksgiving day while visiting my little brother in Hawaii. Wait, what?! And why Thanksgiving? The day consecrated for gluttony and laze and stretchy pantssss. {especially on Oahu because it's a military tradition to eat pie for breakfast}

I hesitated to even mention this until I've successfully run to the end of our street and back without stopping {something I'm working toward} because, honestly, the days are getting shorter and colder and I'm shooting five weddings over the next two months and pushing myself to stick with something physical over sitting at home with a glass of wine is just so not typically me. But for now, I'm in training mode. {Or more like pre-training mode.} And run I shall. 

Yesterday was my day to cross train, so I set Brent to the task of grilling up dinner and hopped my super sore legs on my bike for a quick twenty minute ride out and back. 

While I rode, I thought about mind over matter. Something that's been occupying my brain a lot since I got back from Tahoe and that has top billing whenever I'm on a run. While I was at Wanderlust I took a Kundalini yoga class with some of the girls. I really know nothing about this style of yoga except that it focuses on repetitive motions to occupy your body while your mind has the chance to roam around a bit if you let it. Mind over matter. I think we sat on the floor and circled our upper body with our hands over our heads for twenty-five minutes straight. It was pure torture. But once I let go of the physical feelings of "holy hell, what did I get myself into", I was able to let my body settle in to the motion and allow my mind to be in control of whether I felt the pain and discomfort or rose above it. 

I can't say that I've quite been able to adapt this practice to my workouts yet. Or really in any aspect of my life because, given the choice, I will always choose cake over no cake. But I'm hoping to reach the day where it really is just one foot in front of other {in front of the other...} and ideally before Thanksgiving. 

In the meantime I hope to continue to be so handsomely rewarded for my workout efforts as I was last night when I rounded a bend to the site of a double rainbow. Hawaii indeed. 



{on repeat}



Before I left last week, I was melting down a bit. The weight of trying to balance a mentally demanding full time job while starting my own business has been pressing on me slowly for months, squeezing my energy and deflating me. I knew it would be a lonely adventure, this business of mine {happy as it may make me}. But I wasn't quite prepared for just how emotionally consumed I would be with it, ever at the forefront of my mind and with not one person as invested as me. Sure, people tell me often that I can bounce ideas off of them or seek advice but really, at the end of the day, I'm the business, the business is me and the decisions alone are mine.

What really broke me down last week was coming to the realization that I had reached a level of selfishness I never thought possible of myself; my mind completely and overly occupied. I'd become a bad daughter, grand-daughter, sister, aunt, friend and wife. I hadn't replied to emails or rsvp'd to invitations or returned phone calls or text messages or made dinner or kept my house clean. I had denied so many things under the guise of my busy-ness and the full realization of all these things came crashing down on me hours before I needed to drive to Milwaukee to board a plane for Reno.

And then I got there. 

My yoga practice hasn't been as consistent recently as it has at other times in my life, so I knew from experience that I would be insanely sore by day two. But what I wasn't quite sure of was how able I'd be to just let go. Just be present. To tap into what's lying underneath all the superficial day to day emotions I've been feeling lately and give myself over a little bit. It was in my second class on the second day where I danced and laughed and sweated and then held pigeon pose for fifteen minutes on each side and cried my eyes out as I let go of months worth of tension and anxiety that I had been carrying around, buried so deep that it felt an inherent part of my being. I left class feeling twenty pounds lighter.

I needed this weekend for so many reasons, not the least of which was loosening my grip on some things I've been holding on to much too tightly for awhile now and forgiving myself for some things that needed forgiving. I thought tons about my family and thanked God for blessing me so foolishly. I rid myself of the selfish compression I've been feeling and made room to grow closer to the friends there that I knew and the ones I just met and all those I love at home too.

I drank too much wine and stayed up too late. Our house was Real World meets Brady Bunch and was kind of weirdly perfectly perfect.

The weekend was perfectly perfect too.